Relationship 102

Take your time

Good things should be worth the wait. Take your time to get to know each other. A lot of failed relationships could have been avoided had people actually taken time to get to know each other to see if they are well suited for each other. Never rush into something because of pressure. If someone isn’t willing to be patient while getting to know you, rather walk away. Rushing or seeming to be in a hurry, usually shows that the person isn’t really concerned about getting to know YOU, but rather about what they can GET FROM YOU.

TRUST

One of the most important elements of a successful relationship is TRUST. A relationship with no trust is bound to end in disaster. Although you can never really trust someone 100%, a substantial amount of trust is paramount to the maintenance of a healthy relationship. It’s impossible (and unhealthy) to be with your partner every minute of everyday, 365 days a year, so when you are apart you shouldn’t have to wonder what they are doing and with who.

GOD CORE

A God-centredness is so important. GOD should be the core of the relatoionship.You need to be in His will and be submitted to His plan for your relationship. It’s so easy to be led by the flesh and to abandon His desire for you but the Bible warns us against being led by the flesh in Galatians 5:17: “For what out human nature wants is opposed to what the Spirit wants, and what the Spirit wants is opposed to what our human nature wants. These two are enemies and this means you cannot do whatever you want to do.” A God centre isn’t just about being based on a love for God, but also on doing what is pleasing to Him, and that includes conquering the flesh and not giving in to temptation

Shared values

It’s so important to believe in the same things especially spiritually and in your core values. I’ve heard people say opposites attract but when it comes to beliefs and values opposites should repel. It’s very difficult to reach a compromise when it comes to conflicting beliefs. When two people with polar opposite beliefs and values come together, something’s gotta give. One person or the other will have to compromise in order for the relationship to continue.

 

Love

Notice, LOVE, not lust. A love based on 1 Corinthians 13:1-13.

I get  worried when people talk about "love at first sight". Mainly because that initial “spark” between two people is based on what they see and are initially physically attracted and generally  not a true genuine love. There is a distinct difference between infatuation and love. And an even more important difference between love and lust. I believe true love grows and develops through getting to know each other and accepting each other flaws and all. I’m not disputing the fact that there can be an immediate connection between two people, but mistaking that for love is a big mistake.

CHOOSE to succeed

I talk about success being a choice because that's what it is. No doubt, there are adverse circumstances that can stunt your success for a while but at the end of the day, you CHOOSE whether to be a success or not. Each choice you make either leads you in the direction of success or in the direction of failure.

Tip #1
Discipline. That self regulated behaviour where you do the right theing even when others are lavishing in doing the wrong thing. It’s about doing what you are supposed to do WHEN you are supposed to do it.How big is the gap between what you do when everyone’s around and what you do when you’re alone?

Tip #2

Respect –  for everyone around you. From the man who picks up rubbish on the side of the road right up to the wealthy “VIPs”. I’ve found that people almost fall over themselves and overdo it when an important dignitary is around, but those same people mistreat those in lower, “less respectable” positions. I’ve watched people “suck up” to people they stand to gain a lot from. The question is: how do you treat people who you don’t think can do anything for you?

Tip #3

Order. Be orderly. disorder is the mother of confusion and chaos. Be organized. Order increases confidence and aids clarity of thought.

Tip #4

Reliability and dependability. Do what you say you’ll do. Rather under promise and over deliver than over promise and under deliver. I always say “You’re as reliable as your word”.

Tip #5

Relationships – it’s virtually impossible to really be a success without good relationships with people. I don’t think it’s by accident God put us in families, communities, neighbourhoods and so on. EVERYONE potentially has something to contribute to your life, and ultimately your success. Nowadays, it really is about “Who you know”. Get involved, and get connected.

Tip #6

Reputation. How many people have you met someone for the first time and in your head thought: “Oooooh, so this is the --- I’ve heard so much about?” Your reputation is like an answering machine. Even when you aren’t around, it still speaks on our behalf. Work on maintaining a good reputation. Yes, you can’t control what everyone thinks of you, but giving them less negatives to talk about, people will be forced to spread the good stuff about you. Your reputation = free advertising. You’re the brand and people will decide on whether to choose you as a “brand” or not, be it in the job market, as a business person, or even just as a friend.

Relationship 101

Be friends first

I believe a relationship is as strong as its foundation. A good foundation usually leads to a solid structure; a successful relationship. Get to know each other before you jump into the relationship. Forming a relationship without having friendship as a base, is like trying to build a house without a foundation. You may somehow manage to erect the structure of the house, maybe miraculously make it to roof level, but it will collapse sooner or later.

 

State your intentions clearly from the beginning.

Be honest about your objectives. What do you want to get from the relationship? –  "booty call" (God forbid), casual dating or courting (heading towards marriage) and make sure these objectives are the same for both of you.

  

Ceteris Paribus

Ceteris Paribus is a Latin phrase, literally translated as "with other things the same." Although we are all works in progress and somewhat unfinished, it is wrong to go into a relationship expecting the other person to change or hoping they’ll be malleable enough to make them into what you want. Ask yourself… “If this person didn’t change a single thing about themselves, would I still want to be with them?” If that person changes for the better, that’s an obvious bonus but you first have to have accepted them as they are.

  

Set standards and boundaries for the relationship.

Once again, make sure you are on the same page. This point reminds me of a concept in business called “benchmarking”. It involves establishing a standard and comparing future performance to the standard. Blindly entering a relationship with no prior standards or boundaries set up is quite foolish because it means you sort of  “go with the flow” and see where the wind takes you. To prevent regrettable situations and “I wish”es, determine the standards of the relationship before you enter it and from time to time compare “performance” to the standard, and clearly define lines not to be crossed. Adherence to  the standards and boundaries is imperative otherwise they are pointless.

  

Keep your private life private

The mistake many couples make is to publicise their “bi'ness” too much. There’s nothing wrong with sharing your relationship moments  with others but there needs to be SOME privacy in the relationship.

I’ve always found it fascinating how people basically put their relationships online for everyone to see via Facebook and other social networks – sweet nothings back and forth. 100s of photos of each other from 10 different angles and public declarations of love but the moment things turn sour the subliminal statuses, bitter messages and cussing begins. Relationship statuses are changed quickly “because of what people will think” and so on. Really though. A relationship, and a successful one at that needs as few spectators as possible. It should be between 2 people and private moments should as much as possible be exclusive to those two, not the 2 and the rest of the world.

Run Your Own Race

"Many unhappy people are usually those who over value what others have and undervalue what they have."

Often, it looks like the grass is greener on the other side but I once heard that the grass would be greener on our side too if you actually watered it!

The problem with many people is that they spend so much time looking at what other people are doing, looking over their shoulder to see if anyone’s catching up to their success. Truth is, none of that really matters. Don’t get me wrong, there’s nothing wrong with being motivated or inspired by other people’s success, BUT there is a serious problem if you spend more time involved in what other people are doing than actually living your life.

When race horses are running a race, they usually have blinkers put on. This causes them to lose their peripheral vision and all they can see is what is ahead (tunnel vision). The blinkers help the horses stay focused and calm and make them easier to handle for the jockey. Imagine what would happen if they didn't have the blinkers on, and they were able to look around freely and saw dozens of horses running towards the same goal and all the spectators in the stalls screaming and cheering! CHAOS!

It’s the same with our lives, sometimes you need to put those blinkers on and run YOUR own race in YOUR own lane. God’s plan and purpose for YOUR life is as unique as your fingerprint. It's not anyone else’s destiny, or attached to anyone else’s success but is specially tailored to YOU. Stop comparing and complaining and start thanking and trusting!

So often people look at other people's lives with envious, lustful eyes, but what I have learnt is that people only show you the sides of their lives they want you to see.You see the *bling* but you may not know the struggles and issues they have to deal with. Stop looking around and be content with what YOU have.

Many cartoons use the donkey-and-carrot analogy where the rider dangles a carrot in front of the donkey to motivate it to move. You may have to decide what that ‘carrot’ is for you to keep you moving!

Life would be pretty boring if we all started and finished at the same time.

SAVOUR the Season

savour (verb)

Pronunciation:/ˈseɪvə/

enjoy or appreciate (something) to the full, by lingering over it.