Relationship 101

Be friends first

I believe a relationship is as strong as its foundation. A good foundation usually leads to a solid structure; a successful relationship. Get to know each other before you jump into the relationship. Forming a relationship without having friendship as a base, is like trying to build a house without a foundation. You may somehow manage to erect the structure of the house, maybe miraculously make it to roof level, but it will collapse sooner or later.

 

State your intentions clearly from the beginning.

Be honest about your objectives. What do you want to get from the relationship? –  "booty call" (God forbid), casual dating or courting (heading towards marriage) and make sure these objectives are the same for both of you.

  

Ceteris Paribus

Ceteris Paribus is a Latin phrase, literally translated as "with other things the same." Although we are all works in progress and somewhat unfinished, it is wrong to go into a relationship expecting the other person to change or hoping they’ll be malleable enough to make them into what you want. Ask yourself… “If this person didn’t change a single thing about themselves, would I still want to be with them?” If that person changes for the better, that’s an obvious bonus but you first have to have accepted them as they are.

  

Set standards and boundaries for the relationship.

Once again, make sure you are on the same page. This point reminds me of a concept in business called “benchmarking”. It involves establishing a standard and comparing future performance to the standard. Blindly entering a relationship with no prior standards or boundaries set up is quite foolish because it means you sort of  “go with the flow” and see where the wind takes you. To prevent regrettable situations and “I wish”es, determine the standards of the relationship before you enter it and from time to time compare “performance” to the standard, and clearly define lines not to be crossed. Adherence to  the standards and boundaries is imperative otherwise they are pointless.

  

Keep your private life private

The mistake many couples make is to publicise their “bi'ness” too much. There’s nothing wrong with sharing your relationship moments  with others but there needs to be SOME privacy in the relationship.

I’ve always found it fascinating how people basically put their relationships online for everyone to see via Facebook and other social networks – sweet nothings back and forth. 100s of photos of each other from 10 different angles and public declarations of love but the moment things turn sour the subliminal statuses, bitter messages and cussing begins. Relationship statuses are changed quickly “because of what people will think” and so on. Really though. A relationship, and a successful one at that needs as few spectators as possible. It should be between 2 people and private moments should as much as possible be exclusive to those two, not the 2 and the rest of the world.